Hear ye, hear ye!
I humbly present this letter of petition to the esteemed Lords of Jagex on behalf of the KITE0080 who hath submitted this scroll for the honorable position of CEO.
This valiant applicant boasts of maxed skills in all forms of play, including 99 mining, 99 agility, 99 slayer, 99 Runecrafting, and 99 Construction. Thou has never been banished for botting and hast been a devout player since 2005 – a rare rune to be found in this day and age.
In the year of our Lord, 2014-2015, thou hath successfully built a Black Pure, 10 defense account with 99 strength, 99 HP, and 99 attack, fit for wilderness player slaying. Moreover, thou has achieved 307 and 20 in KD ratio. Thy spoils of war can be gloriously observed in thee level 99 constructed castle thou has so painstakingly obtained.
The applicant hath received thy education from the renowned Varrock University, where thou hath earned a degree in Magic and a minor in Prayer. Praise lord Zamorak – take pity upon your humble servant.
In the year 2008, thou led the anti-EOC campaign, displaying thy leadership and courage. Thy clan of over 1000 active members still thrive to this day graciously thanks to protest.
I have further proved thy loyalty to the Gielinor by volunteering near Lumbridge and River Lum on weekends to aid the peasant beginner, providing them with free armor and swords. Thou has never thrown a wilderness drop party that required following thee to the wilderness for lulz. As a peasant of old, I remember falling for such scheme – a jest worth stoning.
Thy is a certified quest master and hath completed all the quests may dawns ago, earning the quest cape, which thou proudly displays.
Thy references, including the Skill Cape Master, an old friend who is always crafts the finest skill capes for thou, Bob, who respects thy candor of helping out the common man, and the Drunken Dwarf, who can attest to thy ability to hold potent Dwarven stout.
Thy first task upon CEO kingship will be to embark citizens in training of the horse and the development of the jousting skill. A past-time ye lord has many years of IRL success. At max jousting skill, we can investigate sailing the vast seas.
Thus, I beseech the Lords of Jagex to give due consideration to thee and allow a new era of glory in Gielinor to shine forever more.